What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?
09.06.2025 00:13
Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.
TEXT:
Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?
Why am I always so tired, no matter how much I sleep?
Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)
“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”
Make Nazis afraid again!
Why do only ugly women like me on Tinder? Is it because I'm an ugly man?
Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.
Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.
After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.
Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority
Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.
Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!
And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...
¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!
Shameless vixen! Trollop!
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In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …
Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!
And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.
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Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …
At least until the peyote kicks in ...
In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …
Why is there no evidence of a multiverse theory?
Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.
Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!
But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!
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Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!
Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!
Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.
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Marijuana makes Jesus cry!
I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.
Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.
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Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.
Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.
Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.
Can you name an example of bad parenting?
I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.